amazing az jakes mesa

Oi. Iapos;m feeling pretty bad about myself right now. Iapos;m so encapable of properly acknowledging any negative emotion. So instead, I binge.
I really donapos;t want this to be a part of my life anymore. When I was recovering from my eating disorder when I was 15, it was fine. But Iapos;m a different person now. Iapos;m stronger now. I do not need to succumb to these kinds of bad habits.
What I want to know is, WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? I canapos;t figure it out. I mean, I was in therapy for two years, and I made so much progress. And I feel like Iapos;ve noticably digressed. It sucks. Mucho. At this point, it isnapos;t even about the food. I can hardly taste it when Iapos;m in the apos;must eatapos; state. At least back in the day, I would gorge myself on cravings, now I donapos;t even care. When Iapos;m not feeling the need to binge, Iapos;m a healthy person. I eat organically, I exercise regularly, and I eat less that 2,000 calories a day. The things required to be healthy. I believe the phrase apos;your body is a templeapos;. I mean, this is the one thing I will always own The only thing I know I will always have control over. And because of emotions defects within myself, Iapos;m taking it out on my packaging. Lol.
I know part of what Iapos;m afraid of is Frank being gone. This is the one guy I...love? Iapos;m scared out of my mind to say it. It would mean so much if I do. I would have to change so many things in my life if I wanted us to be together for a long time. It would ruin all the things Iapos;ve worked so hard for. And Iapos;m even more scared to admit that there are moments when none of it matters. When it seems perfectly reasonable to drop everything when he gets back to be with him. But then my sensibly self kicks in. I mean, Iapos;m the person who always bragged that I could be perfectly happy being single for the next twenty years. And then Frank comes along. So not a part of the plan. I just feel so much confusion. SO MUCH. I donapos;t do well being in the apos;grayapos;. I need answers. I need solutions. apos;Maybeapos; is NOT in my vocabulary. If I change my mind about something, does that mean what I thought before was wrong? I guess another thing Iapos;m worried about constantly, is what other people think. I mean, I do so much to prove myself worthy to others. I hate when people see that Iapos;ve made a mistake, and have way too much pride to fit in such a small person. What would they think if I changed my life plans?
I need to accept that right now there ARE NO ANSWERS. All I should be focusing on right now is Frank getting home. Nothing else should matter. There is no way I can find a solution at this point in time.
Maybe part of the way I can not binge is to write down what Iapos;m going to eat in advance. That way itapos;s out of the way. Iapos;ll try to just stick to the list. I wonapos;t make it too healthy. Iapos;ll make it realistic.

Orange Juice
Quesadilla
Apple
Subway
Bar
High Tech Burrito
Organic Cheese Crackers

There. All things I like. Healthy, but realistic. I like eating out. Haha, so this wonapos;t be too hard at all.
Maybe Iapos;ll even head to the gym tommorrow night. Maybe.
amazing az jakes mesa, amazing az jakes, amazing az gilbert jakes, amazing az factory jakes mesa pizza.